Journal

Always tired but can’t sleep. That melatonin couldn’t arrive soon enough. It’s not like I need sleeping pills, I just need something that lets me rest continuously for whatever length of sleep I need so I don’t feel tired. I went through a sample pack a few weeks back, damn it was good.

When I’m not alone, I want to be alone so I can’t do my thing, but when I’m alone yearn for human contact and end up fidgeting or jumping between twenty menial tasks. Everything except the thing I said I needed to be alone to do.

During my disrupted sleep, I wake up at around 3 am and go to the toilet. That’s not the weird part though, when I get back into bed, I start thinking the worst thoughts. I become resolute in undoing things and completely detaching from everyone. I piece together gaps in my understanding of my world with the most negative thoughts. I hate it but I can’t stop myself. Then just like that I fall asleep and wake up feeling totally fine. I laugh at how ridiculous it all was and feel thankful for all I’ve achieved up until this point.
Though, in the back of my mind I know that I’ll have one of these episodes again.
Am I dreaming when I have them?
Or am I awake?

Do you ever wonder if sleeping on your side makes your face more asymmetrical than it was in the first place? I wish I could sleep on my back, but I really can’t. If I’m having a nap I fall asleep on my right side like it’s no one’s business. If it’s night time then I can only sleep on my left side. Definitely not on my back.  

Word keeps telling me to use more concise language for my reader.
Word can fuck right off.

Good night.

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