Hey,

Your life is so chaotic since you tore the veil down. 35 times around the sun, are you sure you aren’t tired?

You’ve been a little clumsy, but you don’t seem to worry so much anymore. Instead of going red in the face like you always did, now you just laugh and shrug it off.

How does it feel that some people who were so close now feel like strangers and some people who were strangers are starting to hold a special place in your everyday? This is a fresh new season in your life and the story arcs are all new. I won’t tell you what’s going to happen, but trust me, you are going to love it.

Your mind is still a storm but now you can start to turn the volume down when you have to. Too bad your attention span is completely fried, what is going on with that?
Don’t stress, let the algorithm tell you what is going on with that because it has already heard you talk about it.

A lover of routine, but now sometimes you completely throw it out. Learning that while routine can be grounding, you don’t want to be numbed by it. Chaos and uncertainty jolts you awake and keeps you sharp.
We all need a bit of chaos from time to time.
What good is a long life if every day looks and feels the same?

You are busy, so busy. But you like it – it energises you and makes you feel stronger. You have stopped feeling bad about it too. And remember, fuck anyone who makes you feel guilty for loving your busy life.

Your gut is usually right – you were right when there was a seismic emotional shift between dates recently and your hunch was spot on about that connection you sensed earlier in the year. But maybe turn that sensitivity down sometimes because it doesn’t always serve you to be in tune to every single little thing going on around you.

You still have your work cut out for you but I’m not going to go on too much about it. I’ve said enough this time round.

Oh – did I tell you there is a supermoon tomorrow night?
Let’s both sit out on our balconies and watch it at the same time, thinking of each other.

Anyway, go get some sleep, you look like death x

“You’re off already? You’re just so busy all the time!”

“See ya.”

It was easy to be intimate together in one setting but I got so in my head that night when you came over that I couldn’t make a move.

Some people know exactly what happened and most do not. That’s how it will stay.

Have you ever gotten high watching Fallen Angels at the Nova on a Monday night? Oh, neither have I.

“I don’t like it when you talk about that you know…”

I don’t like some of the things you talk about but I’m happy to listen because I see how you get enjoyment out of it.

“I wish I was there to see your first time!”

“What does that even mean?”

One of my biggest challenges is allowing space and pause for someone to show interest in me. I fear knowing that it may not work out even though knowing is what I desire most.

The three of us sat on this comfy corner couch with a blanket covering our legs. It was only about half an hour but my soul felt more recharged than it had in a while.

We’re waiting for the Uber you’ve called and I feel the cold go right through me. Embarrassingly I start to shiver, you laugh a little and let me cuddle you for warmth.

After eating hot pot, we all get into the spa as if to recreate the hot pot we just ate. Someone is disassociating in the pool with one of the floating toys and I’m wishing I had chocolate coated pretzels.

We laughed and made fun of each other as we trained then went upstairs and stuffed our faces. Talking for hours about life, the parts of ourselves we’re proud of and the parts that embarrass us.

It’s for moments like these that I take chances on people.

This month was rich, it was deep and intense.

I’m learning to lean more into life and embrace not just the good moments but also the bad and the clumsy.